Tag Archives: totino’s pizza


9 Feb

UntitledHmmm… pizza sticks…sounds awesome.

In reality….they are just longer pizza rolls.

In the microwave (which is touted on the box) these  things are HORRIBLE.  They are gooey and sloppy..and not in a good way.  They bubbled and split open….so all the insides were stuck to the microwave turntable.  Good times.

Cooked in an oven?  (which takes 30 mins or so by the by) they ….weren’t…..bad.  Nice crunch and the insides remained intact.   But who is gonna oven these things?   If I was, why not just do a full-on pizza?   Pass.

TOTINO’s: Classic Pepperoni

12 Nov

In all my years on this planet, I have never had the Totino’s classic Pepperoni pizza.   Don’t ask me why.  I have had their other flavors …just not pepperoni.

I do know…now…that I will never buy another one again.

Look at that mess.   There were five pepperonis on the ENTIRE PIE.   Even the slice on the cover has more pepperoni than I did.   This should be against the law or something.

Hell….looking at it now it seems more depressing and upsetting than it was when I first laid eyes on it.

Totino…whattaya doin’ to me, kid?

TOTINO’S Pizza Rolls

1 Mar

I gotta admit it, never had Totino’s or Jeno’s pizza rolls, until tonight.

buh-buh-buh-wha???  but you are the Junk Food Critic!!!!!  How could you have NOT had these before?

Of course I knew of them.   I would see them all the time next to the Totino’s pizzas.   On those occasions I would just buy the pizza.   Even as a kid the novelty of them were lost on me.   Why eat something pizza-ish when I could just a pizza right next to it?

Oh and one more thing.   As a kid, I was blessed to be within a 7 min walk to MAZZIO’S PIZZA.    They used to have a mini-pizza lunch special that was perfectly sized and priced. That and my free-refills-mazzios-cup made this pretty much a no-brainer.

Flash-forward to the other night when I am at the frozen-foods aisle lamenting the state of frozen pizza and I saw the Totino’s Pizza rolls and thought “why not”?

Immediately after dumping the contents of the box onto a cookie sheet I knew what I was in for.  These things were gonna cook….burst open…and all the pizza-y-goodness it might hold will leak out the gaping wound.

10 mins later this is exactly what I found.   One lone survivor out of the whole box remained intact.

Taste-wise I gotta say these are not too shabby.   I wish the “roll” was more bread/crust-like rather than egg-roll-ish in  texture.   But I get the appeal.  These had a snappy pepperoni-bite and some decent sauce/cheese ratio.

Even the six-year-old that runs my palate could see how these could be great come cartoon-watching-time… but he and I both still agree…why not just get a full-blown pizza?

TASTE TEST: Totino’s Pizza CHIPS

3 Oct

I walked right by this on the shelf at Target and thought:

Why did they leave the pizzas out on the shelf?

That logo is so burned into my brain.  I don’t know any kid that hasn’t had those cheap Totino’s pizza growing up.  And by “had” I mean had about a thousand.

After my double-take, I walked over and discovered these are actually chips.

This is almost too good to be true.   Pizza chips from Totino’s?  Pepperoni flavored?  What kid wouldn’t knock these out bag after bag?

wait.   it says multi-grain.  Uh oh.

Okay, I will not be swayed by the possibility of these being the least bit healthy for me.

I am after taste and nostalgia here kids, and the first thing I notice is the texture.  It’s a little texture-y.   Sorta like a wheat thin, but not really.   My second thought is WOW….these are pepperoni-ish and I can taste some tomato-y and cheese flavoring swirling around in there too.  These are kinda cool!

Then I get a donkey punch of an aftertaste.  These things KICK a ton of sauce around the taste buds.  I am still thinking that these are a plus–and then it hits me-

Totino’s chips – $1.00

Totino’s pizza – $1.00  (even cheaper sometimes)

So why am I eating these again?   For the same price,I can have an actual Totino’s pizza!