30 Oct

Okay.  This is me.  At the CUPCAKE ATM in Dallas.  It’s all popular-n-stuff.    There was a long line even at 10:30 pm on a Tuesday night.

Don’t get me wrong, I love cupcakes and all kinds of sweet breads.  Hearing that Dallas is the second city in America that has its own cupcake ATM is kinda interesting and off-putting at the same time.   Dallas is pretentious enough.  Feeding the need to be rich-and-accepted via a cupcake dispensary is just too trendy that I couldn’t ignore it.

Okay, actually I was picking up a friend at the airport and they live a few blocks from the thing.  Otherwise the subject wouldn’t have come up and I certainly wouldn’t have made a special trip just for a cupcake.

A 400 mile drive for Mazzio’s?   Totally different story.   But I digress….


Like I said, when I arrived, there was a line at this joint.  Even late at night.   I couldn’t believe it.  These must be some damn-fine cupcakes.    When it was finally my turn I noticed that this is just a specially designed VENDING MACHINE.    I don’t know what the hell I was expecting but it is in no way, shape, or form an ATM (which means Automatic Teller Machine for those of you just joining planet Earth).    So why even call it that?  It just seems rather silly.

I have been to Japan and vending machines are everywhere.  You can buy food, electronics, clothing…just about everything from these new-style vending machines.   So I guess I just don’t get the concept.   Why not just call it a cupcake vending machine?  It’s like me telling someone I went to wash my clothes at the laundrymat using the washing ATM.

FOUR DOLLARS and some odd change later I get my cupcake.   To be honest the box it came in was pretty damn impressive.   Nice design, multi-colored, thick-custom-designed-cardboard container.   This is getting my expectations to rise because those boxes look expensive.  Seriously.  It wasn’t a food container.  It was more like a gift box for jewelry.

I kept looking at the box thinking “this box is too damn nice to just throw away.”

The cupcake?  SUCKED.  Red Velvet Cupcake was the worst I have ever had.  Okay…wait… the icing was pretty good.   I can say that.   But the actual cake part of the cupcake tasted like overly-dry-red-cornbread.   CORNBREAD I SAY!!!!

I don’t mind paying, even over-paying for things I find valuable.   But when you paint your product as upscale and charge what amounts to a dozen cupcakes at my local store….you damn well better have something other than a kick ass box and a weak actual product.

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