Twizzlers VS. Red Vines

2 Sep

Ok sometimes it takes the professional and obviously neutral institution that is the JFC to settle some critical food debates.

Our satellite office of tasters in D.C. has been in a fierce and cutthroat debate (battle) over…(wait…we have a satellite office…?shut up and go with it) ….which is the ultimate rope-like-candy:

TWIZZLERS or RED VINES?   oh if all debates and worldly problems were this simple.

To be honest, I have never had either.   I lead a somewhat sheltered life, I understand.

After giving each a thorough workout I have come to the following conclusion-

ONE is a red-twisted-plasticy-flavorless-chewy-gross-I-can’t-believe-I-actually-spent-money-for-this-candy…and the other one….oh wait…I forgot which pile is which.

Seriously, these are both just awful.   After seeing that SNL skit where they mention how “Red Vines and Mr. Pibb equals crazy delicious”….now is no longer funny.   Clearly there is a tastebud missing in all of you.  Or in all of me.   I can systematically spout seven dozen candy alternatives to these.

If candy is unavailable, I would gladly eat dirt, sawdust, a handful of rust nails, or even a salad instead of having these ever again.

I just don’t get it.


One Response to “Twizzlers VS. Red Vines”

  1. junkfoodcritic September 5, 2013 at 1:19 pm #

    repost of a comment I received from TJ:

    VINDICATED! At last, a man of taste weighs in. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

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