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REVIEW: REDNECK HEAVEN

11 Dec
redneck by Junk Food Critic
redneck, a photo by Junk Food Critic on Flickr.

While out having drinks one night, I was telling the group about my “breastaurant” adventure and a girl in the group asked if I had thrown REDNECK HEAVEN into the mix.

REDNECK HEAVEN? What is that?

Oh you GOTTA check that place out! It’s in Lewisville.

I had never heard of this place, but it appears my quest wasn’t quite over.

Two days later, I am pulling into the parking lot of a former Don Pablo’s in Lewisville. The parking lot is full on one side. The other is sectioned off by ropes because there are girls in bikini tops and shorts playing basketball.

Ok. This place looks like fun already.

I walk up to the front door, and I see the sign you see above, pasted all over the front doors.

Bikini Week?

Ok. This place looks like fun already!!

THE PLACE

REDNECK HEAVEN has done a great job of converting the old Don Pablo’s into something completely different. There is a giant windmill in the center of the room. The walls are covered with all sorts of junk all over the walls that falls right in line with the “redneck”theme. One wall has the hood and license plate from the famous SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT Trans Am and on the opposite wall, a section of the roof and door from the GENERAL LEE are very cool ideas.

The entire place is sort of meant to look like a cross between a yard sale and a cookout. It has that vibe. SUPER casual and fun.

Walking in the front door I pass the pool tables and see an elevated table that I am told is used to showcase different custom motorcycles. But for this week only, there is an inflatable pool up there with two very cute girls frolicking about; much to the delight of the horny looking guys sitting at the three tables nearby.

I am met by another bikini clad girl, and she seats me. I take a long look around and I am kinda surprised by the amount of WOMEN in here. Not servers, but customers. Everyone seems to be chilling out and having a good time. It feels like an indoor cookout or family reunion. Most of the tables are talking to the ones next to each other. Very friendly and relaxed vibes.

There are three main areas. The big room area, the pool table area, and a small bar area that spills out onto a patio. The bar looks kinda small, but is packed with guys belly up and pounding MINNOW SHOTS.

Yes. I said MINNOW SHOTS. If you order a shot, they will throw in a LIVE MINNOW to swim around your shot glass until you get the stones to down the whole thing….minnow and all. Each minnow shot is recognized by the entire joint because as the customer “shoots” the drink, the bartender hits a LOUD horn that plays DIXIE (just like in the Dukes of Hazzard). FUN!

They have some big screens scattered about, but the place really could use more TVs or at least one projection screen TV that could fill one of the big walls. Buffalo Wild Wings has these and they REALLY make a difference when watching something like the NBA Finals or whatever.

This place has such a fun and laid back atmosphere. The guys are obviously checking out the girls, but they are also just as interested in hanging out. We saw large crowds of friends show up and take two or three tables. This place gets A LOT of regulars.

THE GIRLS

The girls normally wear Daisy Duke type shorts and shirts. But we happened to pick a day during their BIKINI WEEK, so every girl is sporting a bikini. One or two might have a little “beach skirt” around their hips, but almost 99 percent are just out there. Bikinis and Boots. Leaving NOTHING to the imagination.

As we watched, it sorta sinks in how UNCOMFORTABLE it must be to have to WORK in a bikini. Any false move might result in a wardrobe malfunction of Janet Jackson proportions. It takes a girl with some nice level of confidence to sport that look in a room filled with guys judging every inch of them as they walk by.

To be honest, there are a couple of girls that are cute, but maybe not quite equipped with the bodies to be considered a swimsuit cover model. However on the opposite side of the same coin, there are more than a few girls there that have the HOTTEST bodies I have seen in ANY of the “breastaurants” I have reviewed. It all evens out. There is a girl here for everyone!

One thing that sets these girls apart is the attitude. The girls are all very friendly and outgoing, even to the tables that they aren’t serving. We also noticed they offer to help the girls out a lot more than some of the other places we have seen. They act more like a team, not a group of girls looking to turn and burn tables. That’s a good thing for the customer.

THE FOOD

There is a variety of offerings at REDNECK HEAVEN. They sell the things you would expect: wings, burgers, etc…

We sampled some of the appetizers: Onion Rings, Chips and Salsa, and Boneless Wings

The Onion Rings were made fresh in their own batter. What arrived was a basket of stuck together rings, with a batter that easily fell off or stuck the rings together. Basically it was stuck-together mess. Decent flavor though. Nothing special.

The Chips N Salsa tasted store bought and bland.

The Boneless Wings (hot flavor) looked promising. Most restaurants recipe for hot wing sauce is: FRANK’S HOT SAUCE/BUTTER/some other ingredient. So if you have had as many hot wings in your life as I have, you are able to tell by taste what goes into it. These tasted like hot sauce and butter only. LOTS of butter/little on the hot sauce.

The chicken pieces fell out of the batter immediately. The chicken pieces themselves seemed very fresh and juicy. That is the good part, because the sauce and breading are just messy and wasteful. The batter they used for the chicken seemed the same for the onion rings. Bland and generic

The entrees we chose were the Chicken Fried Chicken and your basic Hamburger. The Burger was pretty decent, as we expected. The Chicken Fried Chicken was actually a favorite because it was solid portion and the chicken was super juicy inside. The breading on it, seemed to be the same as the appetizers we had, so it wasn’t that tasty and kept sliding off the chicken.

SUMMARY

I think this is a very fun and laid back place. I probably will not be craving the food, but if I was having a group of friends and we wanted to go somewhere and blow off some steam I would totally think about this place. It’s like a fun playground for adults. Everyone seems to enjoy working there and hanging out there. Atmosphere is a very hard thing to capture, but this place makes no bones about what it is. Just a good old fashioned FUN place to hang out and knock back a couple of cold ones. Definitely worth checking out!

*On a side note, I noticed something here that I haven’t noticed anywhere else. They have music that they play in-house. It was subtle and underneath it all. Don’t know if it was piped in from a jukebox or satellite channel, but the music they played was a fantastic blend of southern rock and great country songs-current and classic. The music was felt because at different points in the night I would look around and catch someone was mouthing the words to the song that was on the speakers. That’s just cool.

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