23 Nov
twinpeaks by Junk Food Critic
twinpeaks, a photo by Junk Food Critic on Flickr.

After our trip to HOOTERS, I had a good feeling about this place. Every place we have tried was better than the last.


Twin Peaks has a “lodge” theme. The place looks like a wooden log cabin. There are lots of TVs and much room to mill about at the HEB location.

LOVED the deco and atmosphere. Like I said, it’s roomy, so it doesn’t feel like a “meat market” type of place. Seems like a very cool and laid back type of place.

The chair I had dinner in was most comfortable!

BIG PROBLEM- I went into the bathroom and they do not have urinals. They have a trough filled with ice. I guess this is supposed to be cute or whatever, but I personally don’t get a kick out of taking a whiz next to another man.


The girls have a lumberjack/daisy duke theme happening with their look. They wear short sleeved, flannel-like top that they tie in a knot in just the right place. They wear tight khaki shorts and UGG type boots.

Cute outfits, but they suffer the same dividing line that all these restaurants do. Either you look HOT in the outfit, or the outfit shows off parts of you that are better left covered.

At the HEB location, there was only ONE girl that was NOT flattered by the outfit. It made her look almost pregnant. 90% of the girls there have the right bodies for an outfit like that.

Fellas there were a couple of cute girls here, but there wasn’t any one girl that really stood out. And like TILTED KILT, there is a reason why. They aren’t really interested in making small talk. Turn’em and Burn’em!!

I noticed something at this place that I hadn’t at all the other places. When you walk into TWIN PEAKS, there is a hostess stand. From that podium, you are seated.

I noticed that once the girls drop off a drink or food, they all seem to go back to that podium. The place wasn’t THAT busy, but NONE of these girls we saw seemed interested in their tables. We sat and watched for almost an hour, as one by one, they would drop off beers, make small talk, then high-tail it back to the podium with the other girls.

Now perhaps my group was spoiled at HOOTERS. But I was not expecting to see girls that were so, NOT interested in their tables.


A NEW “move” by these servers. Give you the most generic and basic of service, then—when the check comes, actually stop and talk to you like you are old friends. Make jokes, flirt—you know—WORK THE TIP!!!

We saw this move happen at table after table. Girl would barely keep drinks fresh because she just HAD to be at that hostess stand laughing with the other girls. But when it comes time to drop off the check — they are friendly and wanting to HUG GOODBYE. Nice move.


From the descriptions, I was thinking HOME COOKIN’! This was going to turn this trip around. Our waitress couldn’t be bothered because she was too busy hanging out at the hostess stand to get us more drinks. But the food? It would cure all this nonsense.


That picture above is of their CHICKEN FRIED CHICKEN. It looked like a MONSTER at the nearby table. It looked so good that one of my fellow reviewers picked that to eat just based off how it looked at that neighbor table.

What we would discover is that chicken has been STEAMROLLED into a 1/4” piece of meat and then seasoned and cooked.

Didn’t really understand the point of flattening it so much. Seriously, the whole battered and fried piece was less than a half inch thick.

BURGER-GUY ordered and mumbled about how generic the hamburger was. Cheese tasted funny. Fries were good and crisp though!

I had the chicken sandwich. I found the same approach to my sandwich as the chicken fried chicken. My poor chicken breast had taken a pounding so they could fold it back on itself to make the sandwich to appear thicker. Odd.

The breading on the sandwich was also odd. Tasted like onion ring batter. Which would have been interesting. But this tasted like it was cooked in used or “old” oil. Had some of that “burnt smoke” flavor to it. Not good.


Generic food. Great atmosphere. Servers with little to no interest in their tables. Probably will not visit here again.


2 Responses to “REVIEW: TWIN PEAKS”

  1. Kee December 16, 2013 at 2:27 am #

    Don’t bash all Twin Peaks just because you went to a shitty one. You should definitely mention which location.

    • junkfoodcritic December 16, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      Thanks Kee, for the feedback. I honestly don’t think I BASHED anything (to use your words). This was my first blush with the restaurant and the experience as a whole just wasn’t something I wanted to repeat.

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